An all-around goddamn delight, tbh.
Okay, look. My mom went into labor with me at the movie theater and refused to leave until it was over. So this whole "Fuck you, make me" thing is in my blood.
She wasn't a great role model for a lot of things, but I do enjoy my chaotic origin story quite a bit.
Fuck small talk, let's get deep.
I was raised to be useful, quiet, and humble.
Pride in my achievements was evidence of my self-centered nature.
My desire for clarity was interpreted as back-talk or excuses.
Rest was something to be earned only after all my tasks were done.
My intelligence made me a know-it-all.
Illness was attention-seeking.
Being fat, lazy, and selfish was my legacy.
And who would ever want to be around someone like that?
I married the first man I ever dated - not because I thought he was the one, but because I wasn't sure I'd get another chance at love.
But I did!
We divorced, and I remarried and had six cats and built a freelance business and had a Weight Loss Journey and read one zillion self-help books to get my life together.
I had a five year plan.
By age 30, I was going to...
✔️ Be debt free 💸
✔️ Be a stay-at-home-mom with a business
✔️ Weigh 150 pounds
✔️ Write a book
Left: Caitlin smiles lifelessly into the camera post-workout. They have brown hair, small frame glasses, extreme bags under their eyes - but at least their collarbone is visible!
welp.
Approaching the looming deadline of Having All My Shit Together (my 30th birthday), I burned my life to the ground. 🔥🔥🔥
I left my husband after realizing our relationship was built on lies, control, and abuse.
I went no-contact with my parents because I couldn't figure out who I was while I was busy being who they wanted me to be.
I realized I had an eating disorder and the pain of my workouts wasn't "proof they were working," it was fibromyalgia.
A new therapist clocked my ADHD in our first session, after a lifetime of zero people noticing something was wired differently in my brain.
✔️ I did get a book deal, though.
Right: Caitlin is fat and happy, looking into the camera with bright eyes and a smile. They have a pierced nose and philtrum, bright red glasses, and platinum blonde hair.
Throughout everything I've experienced, writing was how I processed things and moved forward. Especially after I left my abusive marriage.
I started sharing Facebook memories of "cute" stories, adding the hidden context that I never included for fear of making my partner look bad. The more I shared, the easier it all became for me to hold.
It was like the burden wasn't just mine anymore.
Others were witnessing it and carrying it with me.
What blew my mind and started to change my life was when people started sliding into my DMs to tell me that sharing my story made them realize they were in abusive relationships. They left. They got out. They got free. Because I shared my story.
Writing, which had always been a creative outlet, had become a lifeline between myself and others.
I haven't shut up since.
PS. My ex tried to put a literal gag order in our divorce to prevent me from discussing the details of our marriage with any party ever. That didn't make it to court, because it's fucking stupid.
I know that my creativity is my magic, my lifeblood, my spiritual connection with the universe. And I coach others to find their way back to this sacred connection too.
I spent my life thinking that I’d finally be happy and fulfilled when I got that job, made that money, had that body, married that person.
When I stopped trying to fit myself into other people’s expectations and rules, I could hear my own intuition.
I found my way back to myself.
Now, I pursue the things that light me up with sunshine, that align with my values and my integrity, that honor my story and my resilience.
I want that for you too.
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